Moving Beyond a Shadow

In search of creating real connections with meaning

People gather to watch Lunar eclipse over Hamburg

Connection. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I want to write something on here that will connect with someone. But, I’m finding I have nothing to say … or at least nothing that I feel will connect with someone.

Human connection is funny. I have friends and family. I connect with them, but not so much on things that matter. Or things that I’m feeling. They don’t even know this blog exists or, as far as I know, they don’t. I come here to connect on those things that matter.

We need human connection. Especially about things that matter and how we feel. That’s when we need it the most.

I’m an introvert. I’m used to being alone. I’m not used to feeling lonely. Lately, I’ve been feeling lonely. Is it my personality? Depression? Just simple lack of employment? I don’t know. I think if I could identify it, I could deal with it better.

I keep returning to the idea that I’m an empath. I’ve been told this many times. It comes up in different assessments. Or maybe it just appeals to me to be an empath. It makes me feel special in some way.

If I am an empath, though, maybe what I’m feeling is not even my own. Maybe as I connect more and more to all that is through yoga, pilates, meditation, I’m realizing how disconnected we are as a society. When I write that it makes me cry. That means I’m either really fucking lonely or I’m picking up on some not so awesome vibes in the universe.

I want us to feel connected. To know that we’re there for each other. That when one of us is in trouble or unemployed or sick that we’re there for each other. That we’re not all just out there alone in the world.

I look out my window and I see power lines. That’s what we are right now. Power lines. We’re all connected. Energy exchanges. But it means nothing. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m just depressed. I have been down.

Then again, maybe I see potential in the world. I see potential in myself as I sit on my sofa typing this in my state of unemployment. Maybe I see all the connections, know the energy is exchanging but it’s just that. An exchange. Neutral. Not positive. Not negative. Just an exchange.

How do we make those exchanges more powerful? More meaningful? Instead of a text about what you had for lunch or the traffic you’re in, what about something good in the world? Or something moving?

There are good things in the world. Good stories. Positive initiatives.

Even the little things. The mourning dove that sits on the power line right outside my place. She’s always there. I don’t know why I think it’s a she, but I do. She’s always there. Sometimes she has friends. Sometimes she’s alone, staring into my french doors. That exchange is positive for me. The bird may not get much out of it, but it’s good for me. It’s positive.

I want to move people and I feel powerless to move people. I write this blog. I hope it’s something to move someone. At least connect to someone in a real way. Not just an exchange, but how do I know? And if this isn’t the place and format for me to connect, what is?

For some reason, I connect my state with the state of the world. It sounds dumb and self-important. But, I believe it to be true on some small level.

I want us all to connect and to embrace that connectedness for what it is. What it can be. I wish I knew if this blog was contributing to that, but I don’t. For now, it’s all I know to do. All I can afford to do.

I’m sorry. I intended for this blog to be uplifting and positive. Unfortunately, the majority of the content has been written since I was laid off from my job. Kind of a low point for me. I want to remain positive and to provide more positivity here. It’s slipping from me at the moment. It’s another reason I decided to not post as often.

I will try to end on a positive note. One thing that I do feel connects us is nature and the universe and things we don’t really control in any way but surround us at all times.

Friday, we had the longest lunar eclipse in a century. It was beautiful visually and spiritually, if you ask me. These things that are bigger than us — nature, the universe, the stars and moon — they have the power to connect us. When the total eclipse happened last year, the world stopped. When the lunar eclipse happened Friday, we all stopped again. In awe of something as simple as a shadow.

That’s all it is really. A shadow. If a shadow can connect us as a species so peacefully and so dramatically and with such joy and wonder, what could happen if we put our best foot forward? If we made an effort to connect on a meaningful level instead of watching something passively. Now that’s a beautiful thought.

Peace, y’all.

https://www.nytimes.com/video/players/offsite/index.html?videoId=100000006029254

 

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3 thoughts on “Moving Beyond a Shadow”

  1. Good Morning Tracy,

    I found your latest post absolutely riveting. Especially where you mention your issue of being an empath. My wife Carol was a natural empath, she passed away a few years ago from a genetic disorder. I learned how difficult the world can be for someone growing up with the gift. Family members and friends can unwittingly turn the gift into a burden for a child who hasn’t been educated to understand their own emotional sensitivity to others. It wasn’t until Carol was in her late teens that she finally realized the true nature of her talent and the relief that she wan’t crazy.

    She knew that her illness was terminal but it didn’t stop her from doing what she could to make other lives as comfortable as possible.
    She was a professional architect, world traveler and peace activist. An animal rescuer and advocate for the homeless. She loved God.
    She taught me that most empaths don’t know the full range of their talent. It isn’t just the ability to feel the emotional state and thoughts of others. They also have the ability to influence the emotional states and thoughts of other people and animals or any entity blessed with conscious awareness. Here are a couple of examples. Once while we were having dinner at a restaurant a couple nearby got into an argument with each other. It was getting pretty bad and you could tell the employees and other patrons were getting nervous. Carol put her hand on my shoulder and took a drink of water , closed her eyes and her face had this absolute calm and softness to it an almost childlike beauty to it. And suddenly that calmness and sweet serene mood could be felt throughout the restaurant. The couple were now holding hands and smiling and speaking softly with each other. As the night progressed the mood in the room became light and happy so much so that I expected a Mariachi band to come in and start entertaining us all.
    My other example is more dramatic and somewhat terrifying when we first walked into it. We were coming out of a supermarket after picking up some groceries. As we stepped onto the parking lot we could see a police officer pointing at this guy who’s yelling at him and pointing at a car while screaming obscenities at the policeman. The policeman is telling the guy to calm down and stay back. The guy comes closer to the officer and yelling at him about police officers are never where the crimes are, always showing up later.
    The police officer puts his hand on his weapon and yells at him to move back keep his hands where I can see them but the guy is so enraged that i tell Carol this can’t end well. But Carol is already into her calming mode and suddenly everything goes quiet. Everything is still, not stopped but a quiet stillness. And all the agitation I felt is just gone. I look over at the two and the guy who was a moment ago in a mindless rage has his hands over his face and is telling the policeman he’s sorry so sorry it’s not your fault, your job is tough enough without an A hole like me making it tougher. He keeps repeating that he’s so sorry. The policeman goes over to him and puts his hand on the guys back as if to console him and asks him if it’s a new car the guy nods his head and the policeman says I know how you feel it’s happened to me too. It looks like someone pushed a shopping cart into his cars door. We watch a little bit and the guy gets into his car and drives off, the police officer waves goodbye to him. Carol and i get into our car and as I sit there tears start rolling down my face. Carol turns to me with that angelic look of hers and asks me if I i’m OK and I reply “I am now”. Life with an empath can be quite exciting sometimes.

    Here is what she taught me.
    Just as you stated we are all connected to each other. Together we comprise a web of divine light and within this web are filaments which are the light itself. These filaments are the individual consciousness of sentient beings. There is a filament that is me, you and everyone else. Every filament is connected to every one within this web of light by streams of light. If any one of the filaments ever burned out for lack of giving and receiving light the web itself would collapse and every sentient being would cease to exist. We are all dependent on each other. Carol called these streams of light Love.

    Carol told me that it’s unfortunate that society doesn’t educate it’s children of empath talent about their gift. She said that receiving of emotions and thoughts happens naturally and doesn’t need to be taught. What needs to be taught is that these thought forms and emotions that are negative must not be held onto and must not be indulged. Otherwise they attach themselves to like minded thought forms of our own and enhance that negativity. All thoughts are creative and we don’t need more powerful negative creators.
    Her method was to acknowledge them, that is to be aware of them and see them float on by. She would try to spend about 30 minutes daily trying to find any ill feelings she had for anyone or negative emotions or fears and let them float away. She would go back and think about that particular emotion or thought and see if it had any residue left and free it to leave until she was satisfied that it was all gone. By removing negative energy she became a transformer of positive energy that she could use for what ever she needed it for.
    She would spend as much times as she could sending positive life enhancing energy where ever she thought it was needed.
    She taught me an exercise she called the “gratitude walk”. She said you go for a walk and thank God for everything you have, name as much as possible. Even the things you don’t want. I asked why would i thank God for my problems and she said “God is smarter than you, God knows you have problems so apparently God knows you can handle them “. She said “on your walk back thank God for everything you want as if you already have it.” I still do the gratitude walk and sometimes I feel Carol walking beside me.
    Everything she taught me has worked miraculously.

    As I said she suffered from a genetic disorder and those who are diagnosed with it usually live for about five more years after that.
    Carol lived for about twenty years after the positive diagnosis. The last fifteen of those years were with me and the last five I quit working to take 24/7 personal care of her. I would not trust anyone else to give her the personal care she deserved. Someday i’ll write her life story, right now it’s still too personal to share with the world. I do know that when it came to empaths she would move heaven and earth to help. She was also involved in Pilates.

    I hope this helps some Tracy.
    Sincerely,
    Ernie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your wife’s story with me. It actually reminds me of a story idea I had once. Maybe that’s a sign from the universe that I should revisit that idea and write it. 🙂 She sounds like a lovely person. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m an empath. Some things connect with that idea, but others don’t. I’m not sure how to tell if you are actually an empath. I mean I think we all have empathetic capabilities. I agree with the negative thought forms. I did a journey with a shaman once. Apparently, I was carrying a big ol’ bagful of negative thoughts over my shoulder (that’s how she described it). Maybe I’ll write a post about that … although it will sound crazy to some. The gratitude walk sounds like a wonderful idea, and I’m glad you can still feel her with you. It sounds like she could have done so much more good here on earth … but then again, I’m sure she still is. Just in a different form. You sound like you had a beautiful relationship. It’s so nice to hear that these days, so thanks again for sharing. Stories about loving marriages and people who help others in ways that may go unnoticed make me happy. I am so sorry for your loss, though. When you do write her story, I would love to read it.

      Liked by 1 person

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