Connection. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I want to write something on here that will connect with someone. But, I’m finding I have nothing to say … or at least nothing that I feel will connect with someone.
Human connection is funny. I have friends and family. I connect with them, but not so much on things that matter. Or things that I’m feeling. They don’t even know this blog exists or, as far as I know, they don’t. I come here to connect on those things that matter.
We need human connection. Especially about things that matter and how we feel. That’s when we need it the most.
I’m an introvert. I’m used to being alone. I’m not used to feeling lonely. Lately, I’ve been feeling lonely. Is it my personality? Depression? Just simple lack of employment? I don’t know. I think if I could identify it, I could deal with it better.
I keep returning to the idea that I’m an empath. I’ve been told this many times. It comes up in different assessments. Or maybe it just appeals to me to be an empath. It makes me feel special in some way.
If I am an empath, though, maybe what I’m feeling is not even my own. Maybe as I connect more and more to all that is through yoga, pilates, meditation, I’m realizing how disconnected we are as a society. When I write that it makes me cry. That means I’m either really fucking lonely or I’m picking up on some not so awesome vibes in the universe.
I want us to feel connected. To know that we’re there for each other. That when one of us is in trouble or unemployed or sick that we’re there for each other. That we’re not all just out there alone in the world.
I look out my window and I see power lines. That’s what we are right now. Power lines. We’re all connected. Energy exchanges. But it means nothing. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m just depressed. I have been down.
Then again, maybe I see potential in the world. I see potential in myself as I sit on my sofa typing this in my state of unemployment. Maybe I see all the connections, know the energy is exchanging but it’s just that. An exchange. Neutral. Not positive. Not negative. Just an exchange.
How do we make those exchanges more powerful? More meaningful? Instead of a text about what you had for lunch or the traffic you’re in, what about something good in the world? Or something moving?
There are good things in the world. Good stories. Positive initiatives.
Even the little things. The mourning dove that sits on the power line right outside my place. She’s always there. I don’t know why I think it’s a she, but I do. She’s always there. Sometimes she has friends. Sometimes she’s alone, staring into my french doors. That exchange is positive for me. The bird may not get much out of it, but it’s good for me. It’s positive.
I want to move people and I feel powerless to move people. I write this blog. I hope it’s something to move someone. At least connect to someone in a real way. Not just an exchange, but how do I know? And if this isn’t the place and format for me to connect, what is?
For some reason, I connect my state with the state of the world. It sounds dumb and self-important. But, I believe it to be true on some small level.
I want us all to connect and to embrace that connectedness for what it is. What it can be. I wish I knew if this blog was contributing to that, but I don’t. For now, it’s all I know to do. All I can afford to do.
I’m sorry. I intended for this blog to be uplifting and positive. Unfortunately, the majority of the content has been written since I was laid off from my job. Kind of a low point for me. I want to remain positive and to provide more positivity here. It’s slipping from me at the moment. It’s another reason I decided to not post as often.
I will try to end on a positive note. One thing that I do feel connects us is nature and the universe and things we don’t really control in any way but surround us at all times.
Friday, we had the longest lunar eclipse in a century. It was beautiful visually and spiritually, if you ask me. These things that are bigger than us — nature, the universe, the stars and moon — they have the power to connect us. When the total eclipse happened last year, the world stopped. When the lunar eclipse happened Friday, we all stopped again. In awe of something as simple as a shadow.
That’s all it is really. A shadow. If a shadow can connect us as a species so peacefully and so dramatically and with such joy and wonder, what could happen if we put our best foot forward? If we made an effort to connect on a meaningful level instead of watching something passively. Now that’s a beautiful thought.