Last night I promised myself that I was going to find the beauty again. That’s my way of saying I’m going to look on the brighter side of things. Change my life for the better.
The news of Mr. Bourdain’s suicide hit me unusually hard. I was a fan but I wasn’t someone who followed him closely. Didn’t see every show. Or read every book. But I enjoyed his enthusiasm for life and adventure. I think we all did. I think that’s why the news has affected so many people … not just me.
I decided last night it was time to change. I’ve been changing, but I kept falling into the same patterns. A trap of some kind. I was using the wrong words. Focusing on the wrong things.
British therapist Marisa Peer talks about this. The words and pictures we use. If you talk about your drive is killing you … it’s torture. Well, then your drive is going to kill you. It’s going to be torture.
This blog started from another blog I was writing. The other blog was a political one. The way I was seeing the world — the words I was using, the pictures I was seeing — weren’t what I wanted the world to be. But by using those words and saying them, seeing those pictures, that was the world around me.
I was using the words hate and ugly a lot. That was the picture I was feeding my brain. Then I moved to this blog, but I keep talking about struggles and sinking. It happens. But, like everything, we have a choice. I talk about it on here all the time. We have a choice. What words am I using? What pictures am I seeing?
Yes, there is hate in this world. But there is also love. And there is light. And there is beauty. So much more beauty than ugliness. So much more.
There is beauty in the sun that slips between the slats of your blinds and filters across your bedroom wall. There is beauty in the wind that blows your hair across your face. There is beauty in the wispy tufts of the Mimosa tree blossom. There is beauty in a long morning stretch. Or the taste of your breakfast smoothie. There is beauty in typing these words. The feel of the keys against my fingers.
I had sat down to write a gratitude entry in my journal last night. That’s when I told myself I was going to find the beauty again. I had planned on doing creative visualization afterward. To “create” my future. Instead, I dropped the visualization. Visualization is looking toward the future. And when you look toward the future, you miss what is around you in the moment you are living.
My exact words were: “I was going to write about how I wanted my future to look, but I think I will stay in this place tonight. Here, where I am now. Breathing and living and experiencing this beautiful world just as it is at this moment.”
We spend so much of our lives and our time wishing for something else. Wishing for something more. And there is nothing wrong with that, per se. It’s good to set goals and such. But when that’s all we focus on, we miss out on what is in front of us. The here and now. And that can be a pretty awesome place, too, if we just let it.
One of my goals with this blog is to get people to a better place internally so that it will radiate from them. Affect everyone around them externally. I believe that is true. I still believe we make change one person at a time. I believe there is beauty all around us if we only see it.
Light and love. There are those folks who use this phrase all the time. A lot of us think it’s sweet, maybe a little flaky, but we don’t take them terribly seriously. This blog isn’t for the light and love folks. Why? Because they are already there. They already use the right words and see the good pictures. They are welcome to read it, of course, but they are already far ahead of me.
This blog is for those people, like me, who think a little too much. Whose brain won’t let them be as innocent as a child. Oh, I have my moments when I think like a child and I hope to have more, but I’m one of those thinking people, too. Today, I’m changing that, though. I hope I can help others change as well.
I’m not saying we all hold hands and sing songs around a campfire … although it doesn’t sound that bad really. I just want people to see the beauty with me. To see the beauty around them. Acknowledge the good in the world. The light. The love.
I realize that I”m writing this on a computer. And you are probably reading it on a phone or a tablet. But once we finish, put the phone down. The tablet down. Look around you. Experience this world. Wherever you are. There is something beautiful happening or standing right where you are.
I was meditating this morning. I use an app called Calm. I listened to a track called Suspended Droplets. While I meditated the idea for this blog came to me. It came to me because I decided last night and this morning to try to find the light again.
I made my own mantra this morning. That mantra is, “I am love. I give love. I receive love.”
My whole meditation changed. Every note and sound of that song filled my cells. I could feel and see the sun coming through my window although my eyes were closed. There was an energy that reverberated through me. I felt the energy of the world. The love that is all around us in every cell of my body. It felt like the Universe was hugging me.
And the birds outside sang a little louder. My mind was calmer. My life felt whole and complete — despite my current situation.
I’m not looking to move the world to a point where we all say, “Light and Love.” Although, it is a nice greeting when you think about it. I just want to move us to a better place. A place away from where Mr. Bourdain found himself. Where Kate Spade found herself. Where so many find themselves. That is all I’m hoping to achieve.
Peace, and find the light, y’all.