Letting go is one of the hardest things any of us ever do. Some of us pretend that we don’t care. That we’re better off. Although that may be true in the grand scheme of things, if there is anything to let go, there is some sadness or hurt around it. We don’t hold onto things if we don’t care about them.
Meditation, like prayer, can help with letting go. For me, sometimes, it is the only way I can do it.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes my mojo just gets gunked up. A sludge slows down my juju. It drags me down. Hurt feelings, regrets, bad decisions, unfortunate situations, dashed hopes, unrealized expectations build up in my system. They take the shine off my sparkly, little soul.
When that happens, it affects everything. My mood goes sour. My heart sours. My brain gets groggy. My body becomes exhausted from dredging through the waste products of life.
I don’t even realize it most of the time. One day I find that I’m dragging. Barely making it through life. Too much stuff is weighing me down.
Then I wake up in a funk like I did today. A deep, nasty funk.
Lesson 1: If you are struggling or in a funk, look inside and see if you need to forgive someone or something.
Now, I had sort of already forgiven my former employer for letting me go. I hadn’t let go of my feelings about being laid off. I hadn’t stopped beating myself up for some of the things I did or said in the past years that likely had no role in the situation or maybe they did, but at this point, it doesn’t matter.
Also, there were a couple of people I had been dealing with on a personal project. Things fell apart. A miscommunication of some sort. I don’t know what the miscommunication was about or how things escalated to the point they did. I stopped contact with them, though.
I was hurt and confused. Angry, too. Then I remembered one was getting ready to celebrate a special event, and the other was in process of launching a new project of his own.
I was upset with myself for overthinking and being angry and lethargic. I was upset that I was thinking negative things about someone as they prepared for a special day and while another was in the middle of something potentially wonderful for him. All because of poor communications and misunderstandings. Dashed hopes and unrealized expectations.
Gunk layers just building up and building up. That’s when I realized I needed a little forgiveness session in the church of the mind.
Forgiveness, though. That’s a tough one, ain’t it? We like to think we’re not at fault. That it’s the circumstance or the other guy. Forgiveness, though, makes you look at yourself as well as the other guy and the situation.
Admitting you are part of the downfall ain’t easy, especially if you feel that you are in the right. Sometimes there isn’t a right or wrong, though. Even if there is, it doesn’t really matter after it all falls apart.
All you can do then is forgive. Forgiveness goes both ways, too. You have to forgive yourself and others. That can take some soul searching. I’m not ashamed to say that meditation is the only way I can accomplish it.
Lesson 2: You can’t change the past, but forgiveness can help you move forward.
This morning, I realized the grime coating my soul needed to go. I was going to shut down if I didn’t do something. My only solution was meditation.
Now, when I meditate looking for forgiveness — for myself or others — I listen to music or recordings that feature rain. You’d think I would want sunshine and rainbows to lift my spirits, but no. When I’m looking for forgiveness or letting go of negative feelings, I need to listen to rain.
Rain during my meditation let’s me first feel the sadness of the situation. My mind’s eye sees the tarnished version of my soul standing in the drizzle. As I seek to understand and to find in my heart the ability to let go of those feelings and let go of the situation, the rain begins to wash that tarnish off my spirit.
By the end of my meditation, I have bathed my soul in forgiveness. It’s a visual that helps me process the feeling of letting go. It washes away the hurt and disappointment.
Lesson 3: Meditation helps release negative feelings that you can’t let go.
A little sadness remains, of course, but I’m washed clean of the negativity. The sadness will fade. And then I can think to myself that I wish all the happiness and prosperity in the world to them. I truly do.
They may never know that I wish them happiness, and they may never read this post. Still, I have put the vibe into the universe, and the universe forgives me a little, as well. That gives me peace.
That’s when the healing begins and when your soul starts to shine again.